OK am starting this off by saying that I adore the Queen, I am a staunch royalist and think she does a superb job and would quite happily march anybody who says otherwise off to the Tower via Traitor's Gate. So hope that is quite clear. Great tea party yesterday and will be posting about that another day but for today I am writing about the BBC and its coverage of yesterday's River Pageant. I am happy to see that I am not a lone voice in the wilderness in my opinion of their efforts.
Well, here we go. It was DIRE, UTTERLEY UTTERLEY DIRE. It was also vacuous and ill informed. I gather Nelson was at Waterloo, the Queen is addressed as Her Royal Highness, and the little ships on the river who went to Dunkirk, went there 'after D-Day'. We were told the length of the barge in feet and then, hastily, we were told what it was in metres. Glad I was told that as I had been wondering.
The pageant started and off went the Queen to the main barge beaming and smiling. Straight back to the studio where Matt Baker and some blonde female were there in full witter mode and they spoke to a 'historian' sitting next to them and asked what she thought it all represented. After she had told us and cannot remember a word of it, we went back to the pageant. The pattern was set for the afternoon – every time there was something interesting going on the BBC honed in on one of its presenters along the route. John Sargeant beaming at us all and Richard E Grant reading the poem On Westminster Bridge. While he read it the pageant continued. Over to Clare Balding whose words were totally drowned out by a barge's hooter (I cheered); back to the studio where somebody told us Matt Pinsent was in the rowing boat, Ben Fogle was in another and apropos of their rowing the Atlantic last year naked, we were told that this time 'we hope they have some clothes on'. Oh how I laughed… It also goes without saying that when the barge containing the Middletons went by we had the usual 'OOOOH There's Pippa'. Rest of the family were described as 'oh and there's Pippa's dad and brother'………..pass the sick bag.
Then, shock horror, over to Tess Daly in Hyde Park who did her usual shrieking of banalities down the microphone while dancing the jive and wearing a pancake with feathers on her head all at the same time. By this stage I was beginning to count the number of Strictly Come Dancing contestants who were popping up and praying fervently that we would not get Anne bloody Widdicombe. Thankfully we were spared that horror. Over to Annika Rice on Millennium Bridge talking about art and prancing about. Then we saw a bit more of the pageant.
Not ashamed to say that when I saw the flotilla with the barge behind it on my full screen at home, I welled up. It was simply glorious and I loved it.
BACK to the studio and then we hopped over to a Beeb boat on the Thames and there were Maureen Lipman, Griff Rhys Jones, an Iranian comic whose name I cannot remember or spell, and Sandy Toksvig below decks and burbling. WHY? WHY did the BBC think we were remotely interested in anything they had to say?
And then the summing up. Matt Baker turned to the 'historian' and asked her what she thought. 'Oh My god that was, like, amazing'. I have A level history and I would have quite happily said that for half her fee. Let's face it, I would have done it for a Jubilee Mug. Out of all the 'historians' the BBC had tucked away in their broom cupboard they pulled out one who was totally useless. Wish I could remember her name so that I can keep a weather eye out for her on future shows and make sure I don't watch them……….
I could go on and on but think I had better stop now. Time was when the BBC was the station that everyone turned to as The Authority on such occasions and, indeed, for years this has been the case. ITV did not even bother attempting to cover any of it knowing when they were beaten, but last year they covered the Wedding, suspending all advertising for the day. Half an hour of the BBC last April and I switched over to ITV and there I stayed, utterley charmed and amused by the lovely way it was done. Solemn when they should be solemn, funny when they should be funny and generally, invoking the spirit of the day. I note that they are broadcasting the Service of Thanksgiving and the Carriage Drive tomorrow and I shall be there.
I have been reading online papers today and the comments posted thereon and I have yet to find a single bit of praise for the BBC's coverage. I would like to think that the BBC might read all of these and think that perhaps they might, just might, have got it wrong. However, as the BBC is the most arrogant and self satisfied body I have ever come across, they will ignore us and continue serenely on their way, regarding us all as lower than the dust beneath their chariot wheels.
My only vote of support for the BBC yesterday was the fact that Fiona Bruce was nowhere in sight, though I expected her to appear floating down the Thames in a pair of tight trousers at any moment, nor did we have to suffer the excruciating sight and sound of Katherine Jenkins singing in a dress with her tits hanging out. For that BBC – my thanks.
Despite all of the above I thought the entire occasion was simply wonderful and the sight of a choir standing on deck in the cold and the pouring rain looking like a collection of drowned rats, singing Rule Brittania was just so bloody British I sat up and cheered.
We Brits are stoic Aunty Beeb, but be warned, we are running out of patience with you.
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