RANDOM JOTTINGS

We are  into the third week of the competition and I am now going to post about it because it takes me at least a fortnight to sort out who is who as a lot of the Slebs are unknown to me. If you don't watch morning TV, Casualty, Holby City or Eastenders one tends to be at a loss.

The opening night is always a marathon and quite exhausting to watch as the Slebs are partnered with their dancers all of whom express delight and joy at being lumbered with someone who cannot dance, has two left feet, is large (am I allowed to say that or am I being sizeist?), weird and who thinks they are a comedian who everyone adores.

The camera was on Giovanni Pernice or Joe Varney as he is affectionately known on the Guardian blog, when it was announced his partner was Debbie McGee and for a split second he looked horrified before he conjured up a beaming smile. I am pretty certain she must have watched the show back later because in their first dance, a paso doble, she was simply fantastic and at the end clutched him to her gave him a stonking kiss and threw him on the floor. The on the floor bit was choreographed, the snog was not, and Giovanni looked totally shell shocked. I think she was showing him who was boss and have to say that he is now treating her with enormous respect and it shows.   Daily Mail, who always looks for scandal when the show is on, printed a photo of her kissing him goodnight at the end of training and hinted that they were getting 'close'. She laughed and said 'Daft. I am older than his mother'.   Well so am I Debbie and I can assure you if he turned up on my doorstep with a bowl of spaghetti I would not turn him away….

Susan Calman, a Scottish comedian about whom I knew nothing, is on the show dancing with Kevin from Grimsby and is a hoot. First week she did the Charleston and last night, Movie Night, she was Wonder woman and brought the house down.  I like her enormously. She happens to be gay and also married and the reason I know this is the papers have, natch, emphasised this and we are constantly being shown close ups of her wife on the show and references made to her. The BBC do like to let us know how inclusive they are.

Memo to BBC: I do not care about her sexuality, I am not interested, it is nobody's business but her own I am here to watch her dance. OK?

Gorka the Corker as he is universally known to us slavering females, is partnered with Alexandra Burke – I gather she won X Factor yonks ago and is a Star. She has passed me by but a terrific dancer, if a tad intense and if she says it is a 'privilege' to be here one more time I may scream. But I love watching her.

I cannot go through all of them as this post will be miles long but a quick summing up:

Brendon has got Charlotte Hawkins from morning tv. She has no dance sense at all, more wooden than Judy Murray if that was possible, and is clearly finding the entire thing nerve wracking. Had a total brain fade last week and forgot the routine. This week Brendon and she were doing a tango and it was much better even though not exactly world shattering and the judges were most unkind in my opinion. Brendon pitched in as he is wont to do and there was a bit of a conflab with Craig, yes Craig, intervening and being the peace maker. Shirley the new judge, of which more anon, was pretty hard on her and Charlotte was on the verge of tears. Her confidence had been worked on all week and the judges, except Craig, shredded it. I am not a huge fan of Brendon but thought good for you.  Mind you, calling Shirley 'my dear' did not go down well….

Richard Cole, who I gather is a vicar and ex pop star, is excruciatingly toe curlingly awful and he is smug with it as well. Remember Anne Widdicombe? well he is just like her only without the charm.   The BBC clearly think he is this year's Ed Balls. He is not.

Will chat about the rest of the contestants next week.

Watching the results show later which, as per, was recorded last night and we are all meant to think it is live. Why the BBC persist in this I do not know. The judges change their outfits, so do Tess and Claudia and the audience are also moved around so the same faces are not on the telly.  Pathetic.

OK finally – the judges.   New Head Shirley Ballas is certainly making her presence felt.  Not sure in a good way. She clearly favours the male celebrities and as Bruno and Craig are also a tad biased in that direction, the whole judging panel is a bit skewed. I am missing Len. Yes he was irritating at times and was clearly phoning it in last year, but he was relatively normal and sane.  Shirley is tart, on the point and can be very unkind and pointed and there is clearly not a lot of love for her on Twitter. the #bringbacklen is already trending. I am not certain that she is a good fit. It is also clear that Darcy is not over fond of her either though they are terribly nice to each other. Always a bad sign.

Craig continues to be the best judge though some of his scoring is really low. Bruno is as mad as a hatter and really needs to up his meds. Tess is as banal as always and carries on her clutching technique and manhandling of the slebs as they come off the dance floor and Claudia is as potty as ever. There is something rather warm and fuzzy about it all. You know what you are going to get.

And of course the live Guardian blog with Heidi Stephens is a joy and the comments below are witty, funny, amusing, kind and lovely. It is a real community BTL and I have been taking part in this blog for some years now and we are all old friends.It can be pretty hairy watching the show, reading Heidi and commenting oneself but huge fun and makes for a great evening.

Back next week with more thoughts.

Keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep Dancing

PS I now know that the Rev has gone. ALLELLUIA.